The New A .A .
Thanks to some free writing done on a recent email. (Thanks Viv!!!) I have come up with a new 7 step program that will be offered in a community center near you. This new program, as before mentioned, is for all of those who are tired of going out with assholes or wanting to have relationships with them. (Bare in mind that the term asshole is applicable to any gender or sexual preference.) For this new program called Assholes Anonymous (AA) to have real success we need to identify these "assholes" objectively instead of subjectively having in mind that everything really is subjective. (Prof. Casey would be proud right about now. Tear, moquito. *Sniffs delicately*)
What is an asshole?
Thanks to Urbandictionary.com I have narrowed the useful definitions of this word for our new program.
1. Someone being arrogant, rude, obnoxious.
2. Anyone who doesn't do exactly what you think they ought to do, exactly when you think they ought to do it.
3. An obnoxious, arrogant, self-centered male who women can't seem to get enough of.
4. The worst kind of person. You cannot fully construct a meaning that fully encompasses what this vicious insult means. If you're an asshole, you are disgusting, loathsome, vile, distasteful, wrathful, belligerent, agoraphobic, and more. Assholes are human fecal matter. They are the lowest of the low. They transcend all forms of immorality. It is the very worst of insults; to be called an asshole is to have your very soul ripped apart and shat on. I say that the word "asshole" is the worst cussword of the English language, worst than fuck, shit, and cunt combined.
5. The type of guy that girls like but most just are to stupid to admit their shallowness.
6.What a guy turns into when he makes a good thing turn completely bad again. When he says stupid shit, because he doesn't know how to handle things. You're an asshole, when you take somebody you care about and for some stupid fucking pathetic reason, you turn them against you. An asshole is a shitfaced bastard of the world. But it takes somebody special, to let them realize that they've fucked up bad again.
7. A Yankees fan, because they typically display poor sportsmen ship and even boo their good players (i.e. booing Roger Maris the year he broke the record for most home runs in a season)
Yankee Fan: "Fuck you ref, A-rod doesn't strikes out (throws beer and whatever else he can find onto the field)Fan of (insert team currently playing the Yankees): What an asshole!
8. The number one person you would kill if there were no consequences for doing so or if you could get away with killing.
9. An idiot with a brain the size of a peanut and an ego the size of watermelons, normally the cause of many headaches among the normal population. If the world was fair we would be able to execute them by firing squad.
10. Someone who pretends to be great, but proves that he is not.
11. The type of man that plays mind tricks on women to unconsciously hook her (create an addiction) and then turns out to be GAY. (My own definition. )
(For more definitions please see http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=asshole )
The italicized definitions are those that are more relevant to the program and will be targeted in it.
As said in definitions number 8 and 9. Assholes should be eliminated from the earth and doing so would be a public service like the execution of all stupid people. But since we apparently can't do that because it is illegal and would eliminate all of the Bush administration we have to change ourselves. I know it is unfair to have to change because of these assholes... but think about how good life can be if we can avoid them. (I am now working for the approval of a colony in which all of the assholes would one day inhabit. Eventually this colony would die out because of in-breeding. Hopefully.)
This program will consist of very simple steps:
1. Identification: knowing who is an asshole by the mere look of them will become an art by the time we have finished with this step.
2. How to handle the pull of attraction.
3. How to handle temptation.
4. How to avoid becoming an asshole yourself.
5. How to handle confrontation with an asshole and not being drag down to their level.
6. How to see different behavioral patterns of an asshole in the making and how to diffuse this time bomb.
7. Learning to live in an asshole free environment.
This program is offered free of charge because of the known need for it and the importance of its impact on society. Donations are always welcome as well as good people willing to spread the word. Please feel free to help in our endeavors. It can save your life or that of a loved one.
Weeks later.....
*Stands up on the podium to accept The Nobel Prize for Peace* Thank you for all the applause and support. Thank you. I'd like to thank the academy and all my friends and fans for support. Thank you all. I couldn't have done it without you. But most of all I'd like to thank all those assholes that have been present through much of my life and have taught me a lesson. Yes, you have made this night possible. Please stand up and share this award with me. *As soon as men start standing up and applauding, the women reach under their long formal dresses and get their M- 107 Long Range Sniper Rifles approved by the US government* GET THEMMMMM!!!!
Fine print: These comments are in no way promoting unnecessary violence towards assholes. They have people who love them too. (And desperately need to be in the AA program). These thoughts and ideas are not necessarily those of the author or the venue in which they are promoted in. If you know the author you must know what a warm hearted sweet tempered angel she is and could not possibly think this way. Those of you who take offense please note how sorry we are for your suffering and would like to offer in recompense a free getaway to a tropical island retreat where you can find people just like yourselves. Thank you, you've made this program possible. :)
Hope you had a good laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!
What is an asshole?
Thanks to Urbandictionary.com I have narrowed the useful definitions of this word for our new program.
1. Someone being arrogant, rude, obnoxious.
2. Anyone who doesn't do exactly what you think they ought to do, exactly when you think they ought to do it.
3. An obnoxious, arrogant, self-centered male who women can't seem to get enough of.
4. The worst kind of person. You cannot fully construct a meaning that fully encompasses what this vicious insult means. If you're an asshole, you are disgusting, loathsome, vile, distasteful, wrathful, belligerent, agoraphobic, and more. Assholes are human fecal matter. They are the lowest of the low. They transcend all forms of immorality. It is the very worst of insults; to be called an asshole is to have your very soul ripped apart and shat on. I say that the word "asshole" is the worst cussword of the English language, worst than fuck, shit, and cunt combined.
5. The type of guy that girls like but most just are to stupid to admit their shallowness.
6.What a guy turns into when he makes a good thing turn completely bad again. When he says stupid shit, because he doesn't know how to handle things. You're an asshole, when you take somebody you care about and for some stupid fucking pathetic reason, you turn them against you. An asshole is a shitfaced bastard of the world. But it takes somebody special, to let them realize that they've fucked up bad again.
7. A Yankees fan, because they typically display poor sportsmen ship and even boo their good players (i.e. booing Roger Maris the year he broke the record for most home runs in a season)
Yankee Fan: "Fuck you ref, A-rod doesn't strikes out (throws beer and whatever else he can find onto the field)Fan of (insert team currently playing the Yankees): What an asshole!
8. The number one person you would kill if there were no consequences for doing so or if you could get away with killing.
9. An idiot with a brain the size of a peanut and an ego the size of watermelons, normally the cause of many headaches among the normal population. If the world was fair we would be able to execute them by firing squad.
10. Someone who pretends to be great, but proves that he is not.
11. The type of man that plays mind tricks on women to unconsciously hook her (create an addiction) and then turns out to be GAY. (My own definition. )
(For more definitions please see http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=asshole )
The italicized definitions are those that are more relevant to the program and will be targeted in it.
As said in definitions number 8 and 9. Assholes should be eliminated from the earth and doing so would be a public service like the execution of all stupid people. But since we apparently can't do that because it is illegal and would eliminate all of the Bush administration we have to change ourselves. I know it is unfair to have to change because of these assholes... but think about how good life can be if we can avoid them. (I am now working for the approval of a colony in which all of the assholes would one day inhabit. Eventually this colony would die out because of in-breeding. Hopefully.)
This program will consist of very simple steps:
1. Identification: knowing who is an asshole by the mere look of them will become an art by the time we have finished with this step.
2. How to handle the pull of attraction.
3. How to handle temptation.
4. How to avoid becoming an asshole yourself.
5. How to handle confrontation with an asshole and not being drag down to their level.
6. How to see different behavioral patterns of an asshole in the making and how to diffuse this time bomb.
7. Learning to live in an asshole free environment.
This program is offered free of charge because of the known need for it and the importance of its impact on society. Donations are always welcome as well as good people willing to spread the word. Please feel free to help in our endeavors. It can save your life or that of a loved one.
Weeks later.....
*Stands up on the podium to accept The Nobel Prize for Peace* Thank you for all the applause and support. Thank you. I'd like to thank the academy and all my friends and fans for support. Thank you all. I couldn't have done it without you. But most of all I'd like to thank all those assholes that have been present through much of my life and have taught me a lesson. Yes, you have made this night possible. Please stand up and share this award with me. *As soon as men start standing up and applauding, the women reach under their long formal dresses and get their M- 107 Long Range Sniper Rifles approved by the US government* GET THEMMMMM!!!!
Fine print: These comments are in no way promoting unnecessary violence towards assholes. They have people who love them too. (And desperately need to be in the AA program). These thoughts and ideas are not necessarily those of the author or the venue in which they are promoted in. If you know the author you must know what a warm hearted sweet tempered angel she is and could not possibly think this way. Those of you who take offense please note how sorry we are for your suffering and would like to offer in recompense a free getaway to a tropical island retreat where you can find people just like yourselves. Thank you, you've made this program possible. :)
Hope you had a good laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Sharon Mendez at 7:17 PM
5 comments
