Beginning of Hell
Classes started and so have my headaches. As some of you may know I am substituting for Prof. Nandita Batra until the 15th of August, and I got the research assistantship for Atenea. As soon as the semester started so did the injustices of the system. One of my friends, Thea was suspended for exceeding the number the years to complete the Master's, but they didn't take into account that she wasn't even in the university for most of that time! They made a mistake and now SHE is paying for it. I miss not hearing her speaking as I pass through the hallways and seeing her in the TADS meetings. Suddenly this semester all the friends have moved on, which sucks (and not in a good way mind you!) because I don't' like most of the people I know in the program!!!!
I haven't been able to go see Miami Vice. *Sniffling and whinnying* "I wannna goooooo!" But my friends don't want to be exposed to my prone sighing sparkling when I see a hot Colin Farell. I know its the bad boy thing, but a man that can say fcuk so many times in one sentence must know what he's talking about! But of course that for personal reasons I wouldn't date the bad boy. I'd, of course, date the nerd or geek. I think it stems from the sexual repression, intelligence and/or they are so thankful to get the opportunity to be with someone that isn't inflatable (there can be a mix of all) that they seem to be more desirable. At least to me. I love a man that can quote Shakespeare and know what it means! And yes I saw V for Vendetta.
I liked the movie but I was very conflicted with the V character and what he does to the female lead.
If you think I'm jumping from one subject to another like a chihuahua on crack please note that I have barely slept 5 continuous hours since Wednesday when classes started.
Tomorrow I am going to my nutricionist so that I can start again with the diet (and yes I know that diet is die with a t!). My dad is going with me so that we can help each other out. Let's see how it goes. Later on about at 3pm Vivi is coming over to my house so we can see Project Runway (2 Episodes) and maybe take in a SATC game or two. I hope she doesn't win again!! Later that night I may be going out with some friends but I don't know, everything is kinda sketchy right now. I am in need of a good drink. I want an amaretto Sour or Tequila or 43 con leche or Long Island Iced Tea or Rum and coke. I'd take all of them in the same night if I could.
I've been thinking long and hard about what my friends and father have been saying to me about letting other people read the things I write. (And I can hear Keyla going "Alavalo que vive") To tell you the truth writing in a public medium scares the living shit out of me (even when this blog is not read by people other than friends) much less to let people look in to my little black heart. (Please don't tell anyone I admitted to having a heart, it's between you and me!) Poetry is very personal for me because I don't have anything really deep to talk about. I don't write about the borderline I live in as a Puerto Rican born in the states , who even though I was raised in Puerto Rico, I am the gringa of the family because I was always so in love with the language. I don't talk about my roots, because I haven't found them. I don't talk about my vagina or my breasts in poetry because I leave that for other types of conversations and don't believe anyone needs to really hear about it. By most standards I think my poetry lacks intellectual depth because it is more about imagery and feeling than anything else. As Stella would say "It is EMO." The only poem I ever dared to have published was in poetry.com and in that webpage they publish EVERYONE so that doesn't feel particularly special. So you can judge by yourself I will put the poem here so you can read and judge. It will probably be the last time I ever show a poem in the blog. If I wanted public humiliantion I would just walk around campus with my skirt twisted inside my panties or go to a family reunion with the judgmental part of my family aka those who think I haven't achieved anything because I still haven't been knocked up OR been married (there is no particular order they are happy with whatever comes first, but usually in the order before mentioned.)
Cinderella Never Made it to the Ball
It' hurts so bad to be alone,
knowing that in life
I'll be on my own,
not knowing what the future may bring,
hoping that this year I'll see spring.
Maybe Prince Charming wasn't meant for me,
maybe the wicked step- sister was I meant to be.
I tried to wait for my perfect moment,
but all I got was a sorrow sonet.
When will it be my turn?
When will I stop to hurt?
Could it be that I'll be an old maid?
Or that for marriage I wasn't made?
Sometimes I wish for that pain to go away,
to let me be; to get out of my way.
Through tears, I ask the Lord above,
will I ever fall in love?
ANYWAYS I will keep you posted as the semester goes on. As far as I can see it will be a semester full of surprises and unexpected twists.
PS. If you didn't like the poem I really don't care about this one since it was written in my early teens. This lacks the imagery that I've kinda developed, but its emo enough to show my meaning.
I haven't been able to go see Miami Vice. *Sniffling and whinnying* "I wannna goooooo!" But my friends don't want to be exposed to my prone sighing sparkling when I see a hot Colin Farell. I know its the bad boy thing, but a man that can say fcuk so many times in one sentence must know what he's talking about! But of course that for personal reasons I wouldn't date the bad boy. I'd, of course, date the nerd or geek. I think it stems from the sexual repression, intelligence and/or they are so thankful to get the opportunity to be with someone that isn't inflatable (there can be a mix of all) that they seem to be more desirable. At least to me. I love a man that can quote Shakespeare and know what it means! And yes I saw V for Vendetta.
I liked the movie but I was very conflicted with the V character and what he does to the female lead.
If you think I'm jumping from one subject to another like a chihuahua on crack please note that I have barely slept 5 continuous hours since Wednesday when classes started.
Tomorrow I am going to my nutricionist so that I can start again with the diet (and yes I know that diet is die with a t!). My dad is going with me so that we can help each other out. Let's see how it goes. Later on about at 3pm Vivi is coming over to my house so we can see Project Runway (2 Episodes) and maybe take in a SATC game or two. I hope she doesn't win again!! Later that night I may be going out with some friends but I don't know, everything is kinda sketchy right now. I am in need of a good drink. I want an amaretto Sour or Tequila or 43 con leche or Long Island Iced Tea or Rum and coke. I'd take all of them in the same night if I could.
I've been thinking long and hard about what my friends and father have been saying to me about letting other people read the things I write. (And I can hear Keyla going "Alavalo que vive") To tell you the truth writing in a public medium scares the living shit out of me (even when this blog is not read by people other than friends) much less to let people look in to my little black heart. (Please don't tell anyone I admitted to having a heart, it's between you and me!) Poetry is very personal for me because I don't have anything really deep to talk about. I don't write about the borderline I live in as a Puerto Rican born in the states , who even though I was raised in Puerto Rico, I am the gringa of the family because I was always so in love with the language. I don't talk about my roots, because I haven't found them. I don't talk about my vagina or my breasts in poetry because I leave that for other types of conversations and don't believe anyone needs to really hear about it. By most standards I think my poetry lacks intellectual depth because it is more about imagery and feeling than anything else. As Stella would say "It is EMO." The only poem I ever dared to have published was in poetry.com and in that webpage they publish EVERYONE so that doesn't feel particularly special. So you can judge by yourself I will put the poem here so you can read and judge. It will probably be the last time I ever show a poem in the blog. If I wanted public humiliantion I would just walk around campus with my skirt twisted inside my panties or go to a family reunion with the judgmental part of my family aka those who think I haven't achieved anything because I still haven't been knocked up OR been married (there is no particular order they are happy with whatever comes first, but usually in the order before mentioned.)
Cinderella Never Made it to the Ball
It' hurts so bad to be alone,
knowing that in life
I'll be on my own,
not knowing what the future may bring,
hoping that this year I'll see spring.
Maybe Prince Charming wasn't meant for me,
maybe the wicked step- sister was I meant to be.
I tried to wait for my perfect moment,
but all I got was a sorrow sonet.
When will it be my turn?
When will I stop to hurt?
Could it be that I'll be an old maid?
Or that for marriage I wasn't made?
Sometimes I wish for that pain to go away,
to let me be; to get out of my way.
Through tears, I ask the Lord above,
will I ever fall in love?
ANYWAYS I will keep you posted as the semester goes on. As far as I can see it will be a semester full of surprises and unexpected twists.
PS. If you didn't like the poem I really don't care about this one since it was written in my early teens. This lacks the imagery that I've kinda developed, but its emo enough to show my meaning.
posted by Sharon Mendez at 7:22 PM
3 Comments:
Ay Sharon... You have to stop caring so much about what other people think about you or what other people think you should have done by now. Isn't it great not to be married? Why get married at 23/24/25? We're barely starting to know ourselves and to do things on our own and by ourselves. Stop thinking about men and stop thinking that you need or have to have one in your life for it to be good or to be seen as worthy by others. That's all bullshit.
As for the poems, publishing your stuff for others to read, writing in a public medium, etc. That's your choice. I have my blog and write in it as a way to stay connected with my friends and to tell them stuff that has been going on in my life. I think its a great way to do that. I understand that once you write something and give it to other eyes to read it stops being your and starts being everyone's. You're exposing a part of yourself when you do that. Its a risk one must take and you have to be ready for criticism and for other people's interpretations and, sometimes unsolicited, input- but isnt't it good to see your writings/poems to take life? Risks one must take...
Ay ya yay... I feel as if Vivi has tossed the ball... In a way she is right, on the other hand you know what I've said to you in the past. I love your poems. they have an innocence you hardly ever share with anyone and its throught that written word were I really see you. I don't know if its because that's how I see everything clearly (by literature, in this case your poetry and novels) but I believe and understand that its hard for you to express them with other people. Its ok, don't worry .... I still get to read them anyways jijijiii!
Just kidding. Honestly though just don't ever stop being you ok, and everything will be alright.
Love ya
K
I don't think there's anything I can add to what Boobies V and K have said. (Except: Yo, that is totally not emo.) What I -can- say is that life is short, so eat dessert first.
And everything else I've said in person :P Say no to SLA class!
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